Before You Leave Your Church…

Christian Living, The Church

(By: Nick Kennicott)

ExitOne of the realities of life in a local church is that people leave and go elsewhere. Sometimes, the reasons for leaving are obvious like the relocation of a family because of a job or simply wanting to live somewhere new. There’s no way for me to be the pastor of someone living in Texas when I’m in Georgia. They need to find a new church. Other times, the issues may be because to not leave would be a sinful compromise. There are numerous denominations today adopting various positions that are in direct contradiction to Scripture with regard to God’s law and morality, and to stick around is not healthy. If a Christian finds themselves in an unbiblical church (i.e. openly promoting or accepting sinful practices, authoritarianism, innovation in worship, etc.), it’s time to leave.

Sometimes there are issues which are less clear in terms of deciding whether or not to continue with the local body when there are differences. How significant are those differences, and would a change in one area necessarily mean all other areas would still be as biblical as they were in the church one is leaving? Sometimes there are bad reasons for leaving a church like an unwillingness to reconcile differences with another member or a pastor, or wanting to escape accountability. Of course, there are always people who are willing to leave because they like another church’s music or sanctuary design or children’s program better. To many, churches are like making a decision between shopping for religious goods and services at Wal-Mart or Target; if one shop doesn’t have what I need, I’ll find it at the other.

A lot is written about whether or not Christians should leave a local church for another one, but very little is often said about how to work through that decision. In his helpful little book What is a Healthy Church? pastor Mark Dever offers a few short, practical steps to help think through this important issue. If more Christians followed these steps, there would be far more unity in the body of Christ, and far more conflicts would be worked out to bring greater glory to God.

QUICK TIPS: IF YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A CHURCH …

Before You Decide to Leave

1.Pray.

2.Let your current pastor know about your thinking before you move to another church or make your decision to relocate to another city. Ask for his counsel.

3.Weigh your motives. Is your desire to leave because of sinful, personal conflict or disappointment? If it’s because of doctrinal reasons, are these doctrinal issues significant?

4.Do everything within your power to reconcile any broken relationships.

5.Be sure to consider all the “evidences of grace” you’ve seen in the church’s life—places where God’s work is evident. If you cannot see any evidences of God’s grace, you might want to examine your own heart once more (Matt. 7:3–5).

6.Be humble. Recognize you don’t have all the facts and assess people and circumstances charitably (give them the benefit of the doubt).

7.Don’t divide the body.

8.Take the utmost care not to sow discontent even among your closest friends. Remember, you don’t want anything to hinder their growth in grace in this church. Deny any desire to gossip (sometimes referred to as “venting” or “saying how you feel”).

9.Pray for and bless the congregation and its leadership. Look for ways of doing this practically.

10.If there has been hurt, then forgive—even as you have been forgiven.

Mark Dever, What Is a Healthy Church?, 9Marks (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2007), 56–57.

Healthy Truth, Exercising Love

Christian Living, The Church

(By: Nick Kennicott)

truth-and-loveFood is one of the greatest gifts from God. I love food. I love to smell it, I love when it’s put together in a way that is visually beautiful, I love to cook it and prepare it and try new things with it. Think of all the colors and textures and tastes, and the wonderful creativity that God has inspired in the hearts of mankind to come up with new and different ways to use everything so that we can have an ever-changing variety of edible options.

One of the difficulties with food is that not everything that we want to eat is particularly healthy. Cheesecake and bacon double cheeseburgers may be delicious gifts from God, but you won’t be doing much for the Kingdom after a few days if that’s all you eat! God gives us food to teach us self-control just as much as He gives it to delight and sustain us. Oftentimes, (ok, let’s be honest, most of the time) the healthiest options aren’t always the most delicious. For some reason, eating 46 loaves of bread is not the same as eating raw cauliflower or a bag of kale chips (mainly because Kale Chips aren’t actually made for human consumption). If you’re like me, it takes work to consistently eat healthily. And every medical professional will tell you not only to eat healthily but to also have a regular routine of exercise. Because what gets you out of bed more quickly in the morning than tofu and sit-ups?

Several times throughout his letters, the Apostle Paul uses the human body as an illustration of what a local church should be, and every Christian should be concerned about keeping the body healthy. If a local church is going to persevere, a healthy diet and calculated exercise are necessary, and in Ephesians 4:15-16 Paul tells us what that should look like: “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15–16).

The healthy diet of a local church is truth

Paul isn’t just admonishing the church to tell the truth, but is addressing the importance of holding to the truth. Quite literally the text implies that we ought to be “truthing in love.” The truth of God’s Word must be held to in every local church that strives to be healthy, and the corollary is that everything unhealthy must be rejected. This is a corrective to the ecumenical spirit of only affirming the things agreeable to those who call themselves Christian. There are false teachers who are deceitful and crafty, and an open-ended spirit that invites anything and everyone to join hands without any standards is exactly what Paul writes to protect the church from. Without discernment and understanding of what the Bible actually teaches, and the fortitude to hold to it unflinchingly, the body will break down. In most instances, it won’t be obvious right away, but little-by-little the body will take on a new shape as it makes its way to the grave, and eventually, a mere glance at an old snapshot of what the body used to be will be evidence of an unhealthy diet.

A church’s diet is greatly assisted by the historic creeds and confessions of the church. One of the greatest benefits of confessionalism is being able to hold to something that has been meticulously written, worked through, studied, and proven to be biblical throughout the centuries. A church can claim to “believe the Bible” all day long, but the real question that needs to be asked is, “What do you believe about the Bible and what it teaches?” That’s where the true diet is found. Is it all sugar and fat, or is it healthy and nutritious?

The exercise of a local church is love

Many Christians seem to think we can say whatever we want in the way we want, as long as it’s true. But truthing isn’t entirely true apart from love; Our motives matter. We can puff our chests in pride and say, “I’m telling it how it is,” but truth and love are a unit that cannot be divided. In other words, we can eat a healthy diet, but if we aren’t exercising to use that diet in a way that strengthens the body, it’s not helpful. We need exercise, and the exercise of the local church is fulfilling the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:37-40).

Truthing in love means we are humble in all we proclaim, acknowledging our own fallibility and susceptibility to mistakes and errors. “Sometimes the truth hurts” isn’t always a biblical concept in how it’s applied. Solomon reminds us in Proverbs 18:21 that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Undoubtedly, our words hold tremendous power and we have a great need to be instructed to “let no corrupting talk come out of [our] mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). The truth is powerful enough on its own that it does not need an unloving delivery to strengthen it.

The Spirit of God will strengthen and unify any church body that is dieting on truth and exercising in love, and they will grow up in every way in Christ so that the gates of Hell will not prevail against them. Trim the fat by dieting and exercising well. The Lord will bless the obedience of His Church, preparing us for that great feast with the Son.

Gluttony is a Joke

Christian Living, Culture

Gluttony(By: Nick Kennicott)

It seems to me that everyone is fine to talk about the sins of drunkenness and sexual immorality, but nobody wants to talk about gluttony. I’ve heard plenty of jokes about how a proper Baptist church has a lot of desserts at the fellowship meal and proper Baptist preachers have 40” waistlines. I’ve even heard people comment that exercise is overrated and unnecessary because, after all, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way” (1 Timothy 4:8). Apparently “some” has a different meaning when we’re justifying our sin.

I’m no physical trainer trying to sell my services, or a fat camp instructor trying to motivate you to put down the donuts and do more stair-climbers. I am a man who, six months ago, realized he was a glutton, repented of it, and by the grace of God, has been able to do something about it. This morning I saw something I haven’t seen in eight years: The first number on my scale was a 1 instead of a 2. I had a little party in my head and rejoiced that, by God’s grace, I’ve been able to lose 31 pounds over the past six months. Lord willing, the trend will continue. I used to be in extremely good shape. One year I was in three competitive marathons, a few 5ks and 10ks, a sprint triathlon, and an 70.3 Ironman triathlon. But that was then, and this is now. Life happens and we get comfortable with the things that can so easily ensnare us. It seems ironic that the Bible reminds us, “Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). He can devour us when we so easily devour food without addressing the sin in our hearts.

There is a reality that many people live with every day that, because of physical problems or necessary medication use, no matter how healthy they eat or how much they exercise, they may never take off excess weight. It’s important to remember that gluttony is not so much about weight and size as it is about a lack of self-control and overindulging. In other words, if a person is large, they may not be a glutton and it’s never safe to immediately assume they are. However, most people aren’t the exception to the rule. Americans in particular are susceptible to the sin of gluttony, and by the looks of things, it’s only getting worse.

God hasn’t given us a height and weight chart to measure ourselves by so that we can determine a healthy size for our bodies. However, God has given us the common grace of medical research and practice to be able to show us what’s ideal if we are to take advantage of the value the Apostle Paul mentions. Being physically healthy prepares us to more readily fulfill whatever ministry God has given. According to a National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, more than 2 in 3 adults are considered overweight, and more than 1 in 3 adults are obese. 1 in 20 adults are “extremely obese.” Unfortunately, the statistics for children are on the rise as well, as nearly 1 in 6 children are obese. These numbers are shocking, and reveal a lot about our spiritual health right alongside our physical. Overweight and obese people are at higher risk for type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, alongside various other health problems. There’s a reason why heart disease remains the number one cause of death in America each year.

American culture seems inundated with health and wellness products, workout routines, and gyms, but the Christian community seems reluctant to say anything about gluttony. There is undoubtedly a lot of pressure on women especially to look skinny, and even those who are healthy and thin often don’t think they are. However, a biblical perspective on food isn’t about how we look, it’s about what’s in our heart and what we are seeking our joy in. There’s a loving and gracious way to talk to our brothers and sisters about the mountains of food we shovel on our plates from the sea of slow-cookers and casserole dishes at church functions, without calling on one another to be obsessed with how we look. Vanity is as sinful as gluttony, so there’s a real danger on both sides of the issue. But I do know that even though I never wanted to hear a person tell me to consider slowing down on my eating, it certainly would’ve gotten my attention.

Food is a gift from God, and I am the first to tell you it’s one of my favorite gifts that He has given. I prefer my meals gourmet, and cooking is my daily hobby. I’ve taken cooking classes, I subscribe to food podcasts and vodcasts, and I’m always trying to improve my craft. I like to use fresh ingredients, and make everything from scratch. I’ve often wondered in my culinary adventures why it seems as though the best tasting foods also happen to be those that are the least healthy. But the Lord didn’t design things haphazardly. Many of the things we are most likely to turn into idols are the things God has graciously limited. It’s possible to enjoy sweet and savory delights to the glory of God without being excessive, but if we are, the results will show. In my case, the results showed with each successive pant size.

The ways in which we eat and drink, use entertainment and media, search the internet, watch sports, etc. all say something about what we find to be most valuable and serve to prove what we’re seeking our hope and enjoyment in most ultimately.

God’s people have the Holy Spirit within them, and the fruit of His presence is self-control. Just like we can enjoy a drink without being drunkards and sex in its proper context without being sexually immoral, we can enjoy food without being gluttons. It’s not easy in a world of processed foods, fast food restaurants, and butter, but it’s possible. The Apostle Paul identifies that in the last days, people will be “without self-control” and will be “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:3, 4). The Proverbs offer several warnings against gluttony, revealing that the tendencies of a glutton are excess in various other areas of life as well (Proverbs 23:20-21, 28:7). In fact, the remedy to resist gluttonous temptation is given in strong hyperbole to, “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite” (Proverbs 23:2). Self-control is essential if believers are to live free of gluttony.

The more we have conscious communion with God, the more we are able to use His gifts in a healthy and fruitful manner. Food is one of the best ways to build community and create opportunities for fellowship. Jesus and the Apostles were regularly sitting at a table with one another (Luke 9:10-17; 10:38-42; 22:14-38; 24:28-32, 36-43), eating with sinners (Luke 5:27-32; 7:36-50; 11:37-52; 14:1-24; 19:1-10), or breaking bread from house-to-house (Acts 2:42). One of the most important things the Church does as she gathers is enjoy a meal, namely the Lord’s Supper (1 Corinthians 11:23-26). There are purposes for food beyond our bellies: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). One day we will enjoy the heavenly feast that awaits us, free from the temptation to sin and overindulge (Revelation 19:6-9). And I have to believe the menu will include bacon wrapped bacon. Until then, may God be pleased to help His people enjoy His gifts as He has designed them, and may we enjoy them more than we ever have because they are turning our eyes heavenward toward Him. Bon Apétit!

Finally Blameless: Thomas Brooks on the Christian’s Final Judgment

Christian Living, Church History, Devotional, The Gospel, Theology

It’s a foundational tenet of Christianity that all people are destined for a final judgment at the end of this age. Gospel hope hinges on this fact: those in Christ will pass that judgment and be found fit for heaven. The reason for this is the gospel itself, the spiritual reality that Christ satisfied the curse on his people’s behalf when he was crucified on the cross, and furthermore, that his righteousness is imputed to them as a free gift by faith. On the basis of this gloriously good news, a Christian knows that his final judgment day need not be a terror, it is the day when God will fulfill all the final promises of the gospel. This is Christianity 101 (which is typically the most important part).

Yet there is a question related to this final judgment that Christians sometimes ponder without full clarity. The question is this: on the final day of judgment, although we know that all who are in Christ will be found in the final analysis to be cleansed of sin, covered by Christ’s righteousness, and thus be blameless in the sight of God; in the process of that verdict being rendered, will a Christian’s sins, both before and after conversion, be publically made known to all creation?

In my ministry as a pastor, I’ve been asked this question more than once. Sometimes the person is asking because of a guilty conscience from hidden sin, and so the best answer is to examine the call to mortify sin in our lives. Gospel promises can never be biblically used as a cover for unrighteousness (see Romans 6:1).

But other times, the question is being asked because even in a regenerate mind, the staggering reality of the grace of God can be hard to believe.

How forgiven are we, really?

How thorough is salvation?

How complete is my justification?

In other words, does the gospel really clean my record out completely, or are there still indictments that remain? Luther was right when he said the Christian is simultaneously righteous and a sinner, but do we sometimes so emphasize the latter half of that maxim that we miss the full grace of the former?

In my life as a Christian, I’ve asked these questions in my own heart. Since you’re reading this article, I assume you’ve asked them too, or that if you haven’t, they have at least piqued your interest enough in this article that you’re still here reading. You are, after all, still reading.

We’re not the first ones to ponder this. Thomas Brooks, a Puritan author and pastor of the seventeenth-century, addressed this question directly. Brooks wrote:

But here an apt question may be moved… Whether at this great day [the final judgment at the end of the age], the sins of the saints shall be brought into the judgment of discussion and discovery, or no? Whether the Lord will in this day publically manifest, proclaim, and make mention of the sins of his people, or no?[1]

Let’s look at how Thomas Brooks answered the question. Although the following thoughts belong to Brooks, I have updated the language, condensed the content, and edited for modern readability.[2]

*****

I humbly judge, according to my present light, that he will not; for the four following reasons:

  1. From the description of the final judgment in Matthew 25:31-46

This first reason is drawn from the Christ’s judicial proceedings in the last day, as they are described so clearly in Matthew 25. There Christ brings to light only the good works his sheep have done, but takes no notice of their spots and blots, their stains and blemishes, nor the infirmities and weaknesses and wickedness of his people (Duet. 32:4-6).

  1. From Christ’s vehement objection that any of his people should ever come into judgment

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. (John 5:24)[3]

Notice that none of the gospel writers use this expression truly, truly, except for John, and he never uses it unless it is a matter of great weight and importance. He uses it to show how earnestly his spirit yearns for the thing said, and to grab our attention, and to put the thing said beyond all question and all contradiction. He is saying that it is absolutely out of the question that true believers will come into judgment, truly, truly it shall not be!

  1. Because not exposing our sins is most in keeping with the many precious expressions that we find scattered like shining and sparkling pearls throughout all Scripture

These glorious passages are of seven main types:

(1) Those passages which speak of God blotting out the sins of his people

I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. (Isaiah 43:25)

I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you. (Isaiah 44:22)

Who is this that blots out transgressions? It is the one who has the keys of heaven and hell on his belt, who opens and no man shuts, who shuts and no man opens; it is the one who has the power of death and life, of condemning and absolving, of killing and making alive – this is the one who blots out transgressions. If some servant blotted out an indictment, that may do a little good; but when the king and judge himself blots out the indictment with his own hand the indictment is gone forever. This is the reality and joy of every believer.

(2) Those passages which gloriously assert that God remembers our sins no more

And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” (Jeremiah 31:34)

By this God means that our sins will be completely forgiven, never again mentioned, never taken notice of, and not mentioned ever again. God has a memory of iron and never forgets the sins of the wicked; yet he promises to never remember the sins of the righteous.

(3) Those passages which speak of our sins being cast into the depths of the sea and behind the back of God

He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)

When sin is pardoned, the remission can never be repealed. Pardoned sins can never be brought before God against a pardoned man ever again; this is what these figures of speech are meant to teach. If our sins were cast into a river, they could perhaps be brought back. If they were cast upon the sea, they might be found in the drift and brought back to land. But when they are cast into the very depths, to the very bottom of the sea, they shall never again float back up to the surface.

In this metaphor the Lord is teaching us that pardoned sins shall rise no more, they shall be seen no more, they shall never count again; indeed, God will drown them so deep even he will not see them a second time.

Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness; but in love you have delivered my life from the pit of destruction, for you have cast all my sins behind your back. (Isaiah 38:17)

This last phrase is again a figure of speech, borrowed from the way that men cast behind their backs things they do not care to see, regard, or remember. Although our own sins are ever before our face, the Lord casts them behind his back. An earthly father soon forgets and casts behind his back the sins that his child keenly remembers. So too it is with our Heavenly Father.

(4) Those passage which sweetly speak of God pardoning the sins of his people

I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me. (Jeremiah 33:8)

Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. (Micah 7:18)

The Hebrew word here translated pardon means a taking away. When God pardons sin he takes it completely away: even if you search for it, you wont find it.

In those days and in that time, declares the Lord, iniquity shall be sought in Israel, and there shall be none, and sin in Judah, and none shall be found, for I will pardon those whom I leave as a remnant. (Jeremiah 50:20)

As Micah said above, God passes over the sin of his people. Like a man deep in thought, or a busy man caught up in business doesn’t notice what’s right in front of him; like David didn’t notice Mephibosheth’s physical defects because he saw so much of his dear friend Jonathon in him; so too God beholds in his people the glorious image of his Son, and takes no notice of all our faults and failures. This is what enabled Luther to say, “Do with me what you will, since you have pardoned my sin.”

And what is it to pardon sin, but not to mention it?

(5) Those expressions of forgiving and covering

The blessing of Psalm 32:1 (Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sins is covered) is, in the original Hebrew, in the plural: blessednesses. It is a plurality of blessings, a chain of pearls. A similar statement in made in Psalm 85:2, again using the metaphor of covering.

Covering is the opposite of disclosing. That which is covered is hidden. This metaphor is all around us: the dead are covered up in the ground, clothes cover up our bodies, The Egyptians were covered over by the Red Sea, a great cleft in the earth is filled up and covered over with dirt, the mercy seat as well was presided over by a symbolic covering. All these metaphors show the same essential truth: the Lord will not look, he will not see, he will not notice the sins he has pardoned; he will never again bring them to his judgment seat.

Like a rebel pardoned by a gracious prince, the pardoned person will never hear of and never have to give account for his sins, ever again. When Caesar was painted he would conceal his scars and blemishes by covering them up with his hands. God puts his hands over all his people’s scars and blemishes; all that remains is what is good and lovely.

(6) Those expressions of not imputing sin

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. (Psalm 32:2, see also Romans 4:6-8)

To not impute iniquity is to not charge it against a person, to not credit it to them. This is the precise blessing of pardon: that I will not have my sins brought against me.

(7) That particular promise of Psalm 103

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:11-12)

What a vast distance there is between east and west!

These seven categories of precious promises form the third reason that God will never again bring our sins against us in judgment.

  1. Because Christ exposing our sins seems out of place on that great day, for three reasons.

(1) It seems out of place, given the great glory and solemnity of the day, which for God’s people will be a day of refreshing, a day of restitution, a day of redemption, a day of coronation, as we have already seen. Now, how suitable to this great day of solemnity the exposure of the sins of all the saints would be, I leave the reader to judge.

(2) It seems out of place, given the relationship of Jesus Christ to his people. He is their father, brother, head, husband, friend, and advocate. Now, are not all these relations bound rather to hide and conceal the weakness of their loved ones, at least from the world at large? And is not Christ so much more? He is more a father, brother and friend to us in his spiritual love than the best of all human relationships.

(3) It seems out of place, given what the Lord himself requires of us in this world. The Lord requires that his people cast a covering of love, wisdom, and silence over one another’s weaknesses.

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. (Proverbs 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8)

Love’s covering is very large; love finds a bandage for every wound.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18:5)

Would Jesus Christ have us to act toward one another in one way, while he acts in a completely different manner? If it is an evil to expose the weakness and faults of saints in the world, how could it be a glory and virtue for Christ to do the same on the final day of this age?

*****

Brooks goes on to briefly discuss the glory of passing over a transgression, and then ends his answer with this concluding paragraph, which is presented here without major editing or updating of the original style:

The heathens have long since observed, that in nothing man came nearer to the glory and perfection of God himself, than in goodness and clemency. Surely if it be an honor to man, ‘to pass over a transgression,’ it cannot be a dishonor to Christ to pass over the transgressions of his people, he having already buried them in the sea of his blood. Again, saith Solomon, ‘It is the glory of God to conceal a thing,’ (Proverbs 25:2). And why it should not make for the glory of divine love to conceal the sins of the saints in that great day, I know not; and whether the concealing the sins of the saints in that great day will not make most for their joy, and wicked men’s sorrow, for their comfort and wicked men’s terror and torment, I will leave you to judge, and time and experience to decide. And this much for the resolution of that great question.

As Thomas Brooks writes, it is for you the reader to judge his view of the final judgment. Is it biblical or not? If you answer no, at least take care upon what grounds you reject it. Never settle for a shallow view of the forgiveness of sins in Christ. The sea of his blood is deep indeed. The cross is bloody and the tomb is empty. The Christian’s final hope is to be finally blameless in Christ, to his gracious glory, and by his glorious grace.

(By: Nicolas Alford)

[1] Thomas Brooks, The Works of Thomas Brooks, 220.

[2] The full original can be read on pages 220-24 in the Banner of Truth’s The Works of Thomas Brooks, Volume 1.

[3] All Scripture references have been updated to the English Standard Version.

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The Parable of a Man and a Bride

Christian Living, The Church
(By: Nick Kennicott)
Cat-Reception-CakeToppers-Traditional-tThere was a man who had a growing interest in a young lady, so he patiently, slowly, prayerfully, but excitedly learned all that he could about her. He would visit with her every Sunday, and eventually was even visiting her in the middle of the week for an hour or two. As the weeks went on, he was meeting more and more of her family and began to sense that he was fitting in quite well with all of them. Before he knew it, he was doing everything he could with the young lady and her family, and he couldn’t imagine doing the rest of his life without her. So, he made a covenant with the young lady and they were married.

At first, the marriage was beautiful. The man was always serving his bride, doing everything he could to make sure she was taken care of. He was attentive to her needs, he was listening for ways he could be a blessing, he was even feeling more and more comfortable with finding ways to lead her and take initiative to see that she was doing new, creative, and different things to fulfill all the goals they talked about fulfilling when they first got married.

After a while, the newness wore off. He didn’t always agree with decisions she was making and he was beginning to see that her family wasn’t as perfect as he once thought them to be. In time, she just wasn’t the same beautiful lady that he remembered marrying several years ago. She hadn’t really changed all that much, but his perception and commitment did. First, it was the extra events that they had been engaged in throughout the week that he started setting aside. His bride remained committed to the same routine they had set out on before, but he was losing interest. Her family would lovingly and gently ask him if everything was alright, and if there was any reason why he seemed to be pulling away from his bride; it seemed so unlike him after being so faithful to her in so many ways over the years. Eventually, he was even finding more and more reasons to skip the regular Sunday time together that they kept up from day one.

Soon, the man was setting his eyes on another young lady. In many ways, she looked a lot like his bride did when they first met. This girl was welcoming, encouraging, and eager for him to meet her family. So, over time he spent fewer and fewer Sundays with his bride, and more and more with the new girl. Even when his bride suspected something else was going on, he regularly retorted that he’s just busy with life. But eventually he was spending all of his time with the new girl; It looked a lot like it did when he was first showing interest in his bride. Eventually, he convinced himself to break it off with his bride. This new relationship would be different. The problems he had before would go away because she’s a lot more of what he was looking for in the first place. Her family is better—less judgmental and a lot more loving—and he’s sure to tell everyone that he doesn’t regret, and is even thankful for the time he spent with his bride, but she just wasn’t helping him become what he wanted to become anymore. It was time to move on.

Now that he had found a new girl and entered into a covenant with her, it was all going to be so much better. But it wasn’t. A few years down the road, the newness wore off…